October 20, 2005
A Fairy Tale
Once Upon A Time, there was an Man and a Woman who had just gotten married and were In Love. Their names were, in some kind of twisted cosmic fluke, Husband and Wife.
The bought a Home less than Two Months later, and optimistically anticipated the Day when they would be able to Move In and begin the Happiest Days of Their Lives (apologies to a certain soap opera).
Four Days before the joyful Move In Day, Wife received a call from Her Father, whose name was Daddy. As an additional bonus to their Good Fortune, He had a Friend who had a Neighbor that was giving away a washer and dryer. The only thing Wife had to do was pick it up. At the time, Husband and Wife owned rather small sedan-like Cars. Happily enough, they were Blessed with Friends, and procured a Truck in No Time.
The Machinery was placed in the indoor Laundry Room. Hoses were checked for Leakage, and a Few Test Runs were Made to ensure everything was Working Properly.
Wife then secured the House, performed an Old Habits Die Hard Ex-Hippy Cleansing Smudge Ritual, and went back to the Old Dive to madly Pack and Clean and Stuff. For the next Three Days, Wife and Husband were working Long Hours and trying to Pack Their Entire Lives and Plethora of Wedding Gifts (most having primary use in The Kitchen) and No One had a Moment to drive Across Town to go check on The House.
On the Fourth Day since seeing The House, Wife was officially On Vacation from Work, and drove over to The House with a few Boxes of Their Entire Lives.
As She walked up to The House, She heard a Hissing Sound. With a Twinge of Dread, She opened The Door and walked Directly Into six inches of Water. She waded to the laundry Room, and braved a Geyser of Water shooting violently out of the Washing Machine Hose.
Five Days after having The House Insurance go into Effect, Husband and Wife filed what turned out to be a Seventeen Thousand Dollar Flood Claim.
The Couple was Shaken, but still Blissfully Happy, and knew that they could Conquer The World if they had to. This Event would be No Problem.
It ultimately took Five Months, but Husband and Wife were able to Completely Re-D0 the Kitchen, the Floors in the Entire House, get new Laundry Machines, Install New Cabinets, and Move Their Entire Life from the Garage into The House. They also were able to Experience the Joy of having a Refrigerator after Living from Two Ice Chests for Five Months.
Life seemed Generous at the Moment, so Husband and Wife were content.
Then, the Couple got Lesson in the Need to have Lots of Money in the First Year of Owning A Home. The Province that they Lived In inflicted and Evil Curse down Upon the Residents. The name of this Evil Curse was Property Tax.
They also Discovered that they had to pay most of their Hard Earned little green pieces of paper, and Give it to the Province not Once, not Twice, but Six Times in Their First Fifteen Months of Residence. It also turned out that it wasn't just a Few Hundred little green pieces of paper, but almost Seven Thousand little green pieces of paper. At right around the Same Time, They Also Discovered that the Mighty Government Essentially Ignored the Important Fact that Husband and Wife were Homeowners and were Looking Forward to receiving the Mythical Refund, since they hadn't seen Many Before. However, that was not The Case, because of the Short Amount of Time they had been giving Their Hard Earned little green pieces of paper to and Entity known as the Mortgage Company.
The News was Disappointing, but not the End of the World.
Time began to Speed Up, and Husband and Wife were swept up in the Whirlwind of Life. As Many Days Passed, Wife found Herself looking up one day and Realized that since Tax Time:
They were giving away all of their little green pieces of paper to what seemed like Everyone Else in The World, and not Having Much left for Themselves, the Roof sprang A Leak, One Car Broke Down, Another Car Wouldn't pass the Pure Air Regulations, Family Members were Falling Ill, Vacations hadn't Been Taken in A While, Friends were Passing into the Next Life, Stress Levels were Rising Rapidly, Husband hand Health Issues, Alcohol Consumption was Increasing, Both Jobs were Increasingly Difficult, House Structural Problems were Becoming Overwhelming,Family Members and Friends were Experiencing Heart-Wrenching Emotional Issues, and, Most Importantly, She hadn't Take Time to Dream with Husband in what seemed like Eons.
This Realization knocked The Wind away from Wife. Her Heart felt as if It had been Crushed by Two Tons of Cement. She Felt Lost, Confused, and All Alone. She Knew that She had Somehow not done her Wifely Duty properly. She Blamed herself Harshly and Completely.
Then, Wife Suddenly Felt Irritated. She Realized that In Theory, this Marriage Gig Involved More Than One Person, and That She was Wasting Time Feeling Guilty and Needed to Focus instead on Not Giving UP. She Felt that She Needed To Know that She had Honestly Tried Her Best. She admitted to Herself that She Had A Long Way to Go before She had Truly Given Her All. Besides, She was Fiercely Determined to Entice Husband into Bed (as it had been A While) where Fun Things Happened.
Having found Relief from the Conversation with Herself, and from Husband's Bedside Manner, She Went Out and bought a Supremely Magical piece of paper named Lottery Ticket, and brought it back to The House.
Because this is a Fairy Tale after all, Husband and Wife were The Winners. They took Their Newly Acquired Bountiful little green pieces of paper, and Paid Off Their Bills, even The Ones with a Penalty for Early Payment. They gave Their Parents Completely Paid For Retirement Packages, and then gave the rest of Their Family Financial Relief. Husband and Wife also purchased Cars that would Pass the Province's Doctrine of Pure Air, and were Pleased to Find Out that there seemed to be quite a few little green pieces of paper Remaining.
Husband and Wife both Agreed that They were Extremely Fortunate, and that All of This had Begun from Sharing A Dream. They gave the remaining little pieces of green paper to Organizations that Enabled People to Follow Their Own Dreams.
They then went Back to Work, but instead of Dreading it, They Realized that They were Two of the Luckiest and Fulfilled People Ever. Most People were not as Fortunate to Achieve Their Dream this Early in Life. Husband and Wife both Knew that They were Deserving and were Grateful.
They Remained Living the Happiest Days of Their Lives (Apologies for the second Soap Opera clich� in one entry) for an Extremely Long and Fulfilling Time. They also Boinked A Lot.
THE END
clipchick at 6:26 p.m.
All thoughts, ideas, and musings are � Clipchick. Please don't snipe my stuff!
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