September 13, 2005
Unwritten Rules I Have That May Make Me Hard to Live With
1. Toilet paper must always face the same way on the dispenser: Towards the user, sheet side down for ease of obtaining a wipe. Any other position said roll may be installed is cause for complaining.
2. All toothpaste must be squeezed from the bottom in an efficient manner. Squeezing from the middle will warrant further whining.
3. I am allowed to go from very sweet to Super Bitch in .25 seconds during certain moments of the month. You are to act as if you don't notice, and pamper me accordingly.
4. I will, every workday morning, hit the snooze button approximately 75 times. You will not say a word and pretend to sleep through it.
5. I own bee hives. That means that bees will be flying around in the area. This also means that some bees will fly into the house on rare occasion, and it is your job to dispose of them without comment.
6. Every single joke I make is absolutely hysterical, even if it's the 45th time you've heard it. I am required, however, to roll my eyes and groan when hearing one of your jokes.
7. It is absolutely imperative that the water is shut off to the washing machine after EVERY. LOAD. OF. LAUNDRY. We've already incurred $17,000 worth of flood damage on the new house from that exact thing happening, and I will not have any more water type damage inflicted on the house now that it is fixed.
8. I will never learn how the lawn mower functions, or how to take out the garbage. It is a fact of life, much as is people requiring oxygen to breathe.
9. I always get to park my car in the driveway. Walking those extra 3 feet to the front door may damage my pedicure.
10. Speaking of pedicures, I am allowed to have one every month and a half. It is the only thing I spend on just myself, and I feel like I deserve it. You are required to peek at my toes every 15-25 days and notice immediately when I get one. I expect sincere compliments.
11. Every once in a while, ask me how my day went. You don't have to ask every day, but feigning interest once in a while would be nice.
12. Remember that all my little quirks are part of what makes me the schizophrenic, high maintenance weirdo that I am.
13. I like to wear flip flops daily during the times of year that I can get away with it and still be able to feel my toes. This means that I sometimes will drag my dirty little feet into bed. Try not to look.
14. When I'm down or depressed, I sometimes cry, and I use a lot of Kleenex. When I miss the garbage after trying to throw away used tissues, please try not to comment right then. I'll notice and pick up after myself, I swear.
15. I like to use detergent, a bleach for colored clothing, and fabric softener when I do laundry. Please try to do the same when you do a load of laundry, especially if it's the sheets. It makes me feel fuzzy inside.
16. I have a belly button ring. Please stop asking me to take it out, even if it DOES look like it resembles the button that pops out of your Thanksgiving turkey when the turkey is fully cooked.
17. Remind me often how lucky I am to have someone who puts up with as many unwritten rules that I have without complaint.
I love you Hubby!
~Toodles~
clipchick at 5:55 p.m.
All thoughts, ideas, and musings are � Clipchick. Please don't snipe my stuff!
Free Hit Counter